It is indeed the time of year when preparations for Christmas seem to explode and suddenly everywhere you look there are pointless stuffs and all types of frilly affairs you can buy and bring home to clutter up your personal space. Yes, I have developed a rather wry cynical stance on Christmas decorations over the last couple years and when I see all this rubbish everywhere I get to thinking what's it all really for and what's it all about, and what does it mean; the STUFF. For me, Christmas goes much deeper: it is a story of hope that continually fuels the spice in me to get out of bed every day, and keep on fighting.
Now it's set before the mirror in the back of my living room and it's kind of cool. It's not Christmas, it's just pink flower lights on a branch. In a lantern. Well, I have small (what people call) Christmas lights on my balcony all through the dark months but to me they are just cosy lights. Anyhow, I am a regular visitor at the green place now - everyday I go on my two hour trek, peppering along at a hasty pace by the lake and onto the garden centre, have a nice sit down and some fresh juice, gawp at all the nice enticing plants, try not to buy any and head on home again.
Since seven weeks I've started a kind of new lifestyle of walking and cycling rather obsessively with a view to becoming - how shall I put it - more *minimal*. And thankfully, I am slowly but surely compacting into a smaller parcel of Honorness. Eating healthy and excercising and keeping those things up on a daily basis is a challenge but I already feel like a new person from making these changes. I've got more energy, life seems a titch less heavy-going and my clothes are getting bigger which is quite... interesting.
After a long laborious hammering and juggling of words and ideas my book has sprung to life at last - - "Harvest Moon": 29 and a half poems. It really is a labour of love, something coming from my heart. The poems are complete; but I am now working on illustrations and selecting a few good photos as well. It is very personal, but then anything creative always is, coming from the essence of yourself. However, anyway, (I think.....) I want to share it with people. With that comes a general uneasy wondering if anybody will get it or like it. Well, as I said in the previous post, anything like this is always risky. But to live, it is in general an altogether risky business; it can be harsh or glorious or even both at the same time. I'd rather take the risk to let something of myself finally be seen after all the years of hiding away I did before, than to not do it and to never know. Poetry is fascinating to me. Poems are like miniature stories, each one a pert neat little packaged tale, individual and unique.
The jazz is finally moving forward too - I've managed (mostly) to make peace and compromise with my neighbours and am working out on the piano much more. Endlessly working out chords in all keys and improvisings - discovering a myriad of great sounds, a realm of musics that makes me smile, gets my foot tapping and makes me feel all jiggly. Improvisation is an adventure I am enjoying more and more. I just wish I could get to writing down some of the stuff I've worked out and composed, all those spicy notes are knocking around in my head but I just don't have time to get them down on manuscript. As well as the jazz I'm working on Debussy's sarabande from 'Pour le piano'. It's beautiful - but some of the chords are too big for my little hands, so I'm having to cheat now and then.
My daily trek is a good time to air all this stuff, plus all the regular musings, some bothersome insecurities and numerous wonderings rattling around in my head. Walks in the autumn are great. The swallows are chattering in tree-tops and everyday when I walk I enjoy seeing the geese in flight, and those lovely white angels (the swans, in case you're wondering). Apart from that blasted little yappy dog I wanted to kick into the middle of next week that appraised me menacingly for a moment before - (then I knew it was coming) - sinking his chompers into my trousers when I was out walking; and the strange people that stare (yeah I know I look weird but please....) - I am enjoying my walkings immensely. Even when it's rainings.
On that point I'll close and walk on out of this blog and off to cop a few zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's since it's now the middle of the night after I spent ages trying to mess with my photos in this post to get them right.